Would you board an airplane for an overseas flight if you were told that there was a fifty percent chance that the plane would crash before it reaches its destination? Of course you wouldn’t. Yet every day in New Jersey, people enter into a marriage contract, with a fifty percent chance that the marriage will fail, according to some studies. Granted, the consequences of a failed marriage are not as dire as a plane crash, but a divorce has been rated as one of life’s greatest traumas and can profoundly change one’s life. (New Jersey now also recognizes “Civil Unions” which are intended to be tantamount to marriages for couples of the same gender. There is little data available concerning Civil Unions. This article will refer to “marriages” but couples who enter into a Civil Union are intended to have the same rights and obligations as marital partners).

In New Jersey, anyone entering into a contract to purchase real estate is allowed a three day grace period to have an attorney review the contract. The buyer can opt out of the contract for any reason whatsoever within that three day period. I feel safe in saying that anyone entering into any contract, generally, takes time to read the contract, ask questions, and may consult with an attorney before signing. Putting all the glitz and ceremony aside, marriage is a civil contract – an agreement between two people. Yet I would venture to say that few people who marry have any idea of the terms of the contract they have entered into upon saying “I do”.

Absent a pre-nuptial agreement (and, sometimes, even with one), the parties to a marriage contract are not free to set the terms of their contract. The terms are imposed by the State. States differ somewhat on the terms that they assign to a marriage contract, although every state has laws governing the dissolution of a marriage contract. In New Jersey, when people enter into a marriage, they are agreeing to do much more than “love, honor, and respect” their partner. When two people marry in New Jersey, they are agreeing to share all the assets and liabilities that they acquire during the term of their marriage contract and, in some cases, are also agreeing to provide financial support to their spouse, even after the marriage terminates.

New Jersey is an “equitable distribution” state, which means that all property acquired by either spouse during the marriage is divided in a fair and just manner (who the property is actually titled to is, generally, of little relevance in a divorce). After a long term marriage, an “equitable distribution” of property generally means an “equal distribution” of property. So, yes, that pension that you worked so hard for the last 25 years will likely be shared equally with your spouse of 25 years after a divorce. Many potential clients are shocked to hear that in their initial consultation with me. However, the law of equitable distribution is complex and replete with nuances. I would strongly encourage a full consultation with an experienced Matrimonial Lawyer to fully understand how property is distributed upon a divorce.

Many potential clients are also shocked to hear that alimony is alive and well here in New Jersey. New Jersey recognizes four types of alimony – permanent, limited duration, rehabilitative, and reimbursement. A full primer on alimony is beyond the scope of this article. The law of alimony is complex and very fact sensitive. But rest assured that alimony is awarded every day in New Jersey Family Courts. There are few responsibilities more difficult for a divorce lawyer than explaining to a client that they may be responsible to continue to financially support a soon to be former spouse who they now loathe.

So how does one avoid this potential misery? I guess one could remain single, but that is not an attractive option for many. I could recommend a pre-nuptial agreement, but I think it is more critical for a person to be more circumspect when choosing a spouse. If your dating partner has anger issues, substance abuse problems, or other personality shortcomings, they are most likely going to retain those problems after marriage. People enter into marriage contracts thinking that their new spouse will change for the better. Usually, that doesn’t happen. Generally, what you see is what you are going to get.

So before you say “I do” and exchange those rings, make sure that you know what responsibilities and obligations you are taking on and, more importantly, make sure that you know the true character of that partner with whom you intend to share your life. The best way to escape the pitfalls of a divorce is to choose the right partner.